when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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