I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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