Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
