Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
