this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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