I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Found the puke drawer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
