i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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