I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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