May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
