I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
