so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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