So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
