Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
