I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
