if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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