how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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