i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
