Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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