69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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