well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
