We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
