I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
