I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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