Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
