Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
