my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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