billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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