On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
