i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
