Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize