listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
