its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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