craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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