Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
