I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
