well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
