i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
