i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
