porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
