I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
