This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
