so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
