Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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