I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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