what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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