Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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