and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
