I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
