oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
