Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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