Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
