So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
