normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
