He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
