I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
