Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
