i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
