I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
