you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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