May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
