dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
