Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
