and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
