I think my vagina is haunted
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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