I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
