it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
