i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
