and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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