Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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