Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
