Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
