Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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