Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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