i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
